sunset

i feel the need to just sit in silence, in snow, slowly bleeding out and letting all my sorrows bleed along. to look at the horizon and see the setting sun as i take my last breaths.

that little sting, right beside my wrist, it may hurt, but in essence, it’ll relieve me

no strings attached

i see death every day, i sense the impact it leaves on others, people wanting justice, or perhaps pretending to be shocked, or be sad, or maybe just acknowledging that he exists, just as a mere lifeless corpse by now. he left his responsibilities behind, and now he’s gone. the people that trusted him, the people that depend on him, and none that loved him, they’ll have to pick up the pieces.

that is confusing, i don’t know what to do

all that makes me wonder, does it even matter to me? would i even know what is happening, what those people are doing.

i would not have to care at all. all the weight on my shoulders, all the burdens i carried, even if i abdicate, i’ll be absolved of them.

is it the harsh afternoon, holding me back? am i thinking too much about them?

i wonder.

i have a plan, and a good one too

i don’t have to suffer, i don’t have to go so suddenly, i just have to bleed out, til my last breaths, til that orange sunset. then, i would go gentle, into that good night, i don’t want to rage, rage, against the dying of the light.

a little cut, right near my wrist, or near my skin, i don’t know yet. i would feel peace, i would feel light headed slowly, i would want to lay down, i would want to slow down. and i would, my body too.

in the white snow, so cold. a perfect blanket, for the perfect night, the perfect sleep. i do not want to rage, rage, against the dying of the light.

and yes, you are right, in some sense. i am not afraid, death is a saint. i just wonder, what would happen when the dust settles? more importantly, would i care? would i know? when i see posts online, that someone passed away, i always get the points of views of other people, their sadness, but never the ones to said good bye, does that mean they’re relieved, or at least, suffering no longer. i could be too.

the soul i am, left a while ago. the she would reunite us.

would i suffer no longer. a question so simple.

i won’t do it tonight trust me, i won’t do it tonight.